Tell her she can't have a vagina
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
