whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
