This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
