I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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