This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
