i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
