my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
