I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I need a burrito and a hug.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
