I'm really into asian looking animals
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
