i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
