i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
