Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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