Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
