I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
