C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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