five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
