the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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