u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
