i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
