It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize