The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
