How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
