I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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