nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
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