the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
