I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
