I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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