I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my liver is dry heaving
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
