jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
