think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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