I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
