My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
