You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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