i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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