I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
