I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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