I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
