Already got asked if we're dating
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
