He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
