I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
