I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
