just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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