how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
