saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
we're so committed to being not committed
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
