When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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