I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
