dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I enjoy the company of your penis
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
