I need help removing her.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
