I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
