Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
