there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
