wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
