wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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