the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
