you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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