i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
