I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he thought i was a dude.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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