fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
