do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
