i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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