Who did Billy Mays play for?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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