the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
