chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Randomize
