just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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