I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
