Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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