i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
