I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
