I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
