We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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