someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize