My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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