my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
