I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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