Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
