farters have to be the big spoon...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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