Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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