she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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