this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
