Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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