Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
