Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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